I certainly didn’t wake up one morning floating on a lotus flower in white linen with all my chakras in perfect alignment. F No. My spiritual awakening was more like getting shoved off a 100 foot cliff by the Universe with a note that said, “Trust the process.” Spoiler: I did not trust the process, I wanted to but I didn't.
This is the real (and slightly ridiculous) story of my journey from generational cycles to empowered womanhood, fear to fierce, confusion to clarity, and breakdowns to breakthroughs — the same story I share in The Call to the Mystical Mountain. Only now, with fewer tears and more snark.
The Breakdown Before the Breakthroughs
As a women who survived domestic violence, a restrictive religious upbringing and single parenthood, I thought maybe I just need a vacation.
You know, a little time to rest and recharge from the chaos of doing-all-the-things for everyone else and saying yes to everything even when I had nothing left to give. But know this no amount of meds, matcha or meditation apps could fill the void that was spiritually screaming for my attention.
At times my well-crafted identity felt like it was crumbling, even though a lot of the time things seemed good and operating as they should, there was always this underlying fear that would surface. Often it hit me at night when everything around me was silent my mind got really loud. I would play out scenarios and game of "what if" like a game of Jepordy picking the most probable topics.
I didn’t know it then, but this was initiation. Turns out, spiritual awakening doesn’t come with a bright yellow warning label with the writing "are you sure". It just shows up like, “Hey girl, ready to meet your shadows?” And no I was not ready....well I was, I just didn't know it then.
Signs of my Awakening (or Possibly Losing It) I questioned everything I was ever taught, religion, the afterlife, my purpose, aliens. You name it I thought it.
I started watching tree leaves blow in the wind and started using phrases like “divine timing” "Frequency", "resonance" and “vibrational mismatch.” I started seeing numbers repeating themselves everywhere and knew that was not by chance. At this point I seriously considered quitting my job to live in a yurt and make herbal tinctures. ( I didn't thank god because my job was part of the divine plan.)
I developed a deep obsession with breathwork, moon cycles, and shadow work. I found myself saying, “What even is reality?” or "Nothing is real" at least three times a week.
The Call (and the Chaos that followed)
The call to breathwork my awakening and the mystical mountain(Mount Shasta CA wasn’t gentle. It was raw. It was inconvenient. It cracked me open in ways I didn’t expect. But for every moment of despair, there was a flicker of remembering — a whisper of truth that I was coming home to myself. Every book, Joe Dispensa episode or journey to meet my spirit guides brought me that much closer to understanding not just my purpose in this life but where I came from who I had soul contracts with and why all the horrible things I had experienced in life had actually happened and led me to the exact place i was meant to be. ....right here.
And somewhere between the full-blown existential spirals and sacred synchronicities, I started to breathe again. Not just inhale-exhale breathing. I mean really breathe — the kind that clears lifetimes of stuck energy and lets you feel your soul again. I felt a power in my existence that said help people and I responded with a heck yes! I remember in meditation saying "give me the opportunity and I will never back down EVER"! I meant that and the opportunities have arrived.
Where I Am Now (Spoiler: Still Climbing)
I wish I could say I reached the top of the mountain and now I float through life like a serene spirit goddess. But nope. I still get triggered. I still have days where I forget everything I’ve learned. But I return to the breath. To my body. To the truth that awakening isn’t a destination — it’s a practice. Understanding there is no one right way only acceptance and honor of everyone experiencing their own unique journey, however that may look different from our own. I understand we all have things to accomplish and we are all at different places on that unique path, and that is ok friends. so instead of judge honor the journey, if you have been hurt lean into love and for gods sake do some breathwork and change your whole life.
And yeah, sometimes it’s messy. But it’s your mess. And don't trade it for anything.
So if you’re on your own awakening path and wondering if you’re crazy — you’re not, well maybe a little. You’re just remembering. Keep breathing. Keep laughing. And when the mountain calls, don’t pack light. You’re gonna need snacks, tissues, and maybe a playlist of 90's rap songs and Buddhist chants. No maybe's on the 90's rap.
D